If you know me well enough, you know I’m not the girl that tries to get too attached. That’s why my previous relationships were so childish. It scared me being attached after my parents relationship leading to a horrid divorce. So the moment I do, I get hit in the face with it. I’m also one of those people that does find it hard to let things go.

My whole week this week has just been filled with rejection. To the point where the one person I love and trust the most has just gone, no reason, just gone. And yes I’m going to get mad at that. I mean in all situations involving my family, college, friends, whoever are leading to this rejection. All this rejection from everyone for no reason. I try to be the best person I can be and this is what I get. Really?  

I have no friends. No one likes me where I am now. To the point where my family are constantly rejecting me. I do everything for them. I’m not a bad person, I can’t be with how careful I am with most of my actions. With college I don’t get why people don’t like me. I try so hard to fit in and I never do. I hate going to college just because of it. It makes me feel awful mainly when I do nice things for you and you turn to do this. Just ignore me. It’s not like I’ve done anything wrong to you or I’m alien or something. Just be grown up and stop rejecting people because with that attitude on pretty much 99% of you, you’re not getting anywhere in life. Give me a fucking chance. And my family, dear god. Why I still live in a house with them is insane. I need to move out because I can’t take it but guess what, I have no where to fucking go. No where. I’m not stupid enough to live on the streets. I can’t take this. My family are driving up the fucking wall. None of them like me. Because apparently I’m a little shit. My family will always be like that. 

I mean how can you do this. After how much I showed you I cared and how much you meant to me. I just can’t handle it at all. I can’t believe it’s happened. That whole year that meant so much to me. How much I trusted you and all. I love you so much to the point when earlier on today, to some of the guy friends at college I was bragging about you, about how funny and charming you were. You’re such a big part of my life. You probably wont give two shits about this and probably wont read this. None of the people mentioned probably will but Oh my god I can’t take it. I told you and told you since the very beginning that I was never going to end this, you would be the one to do so. And all along I was right. Because I want you to know that when you get married or go out with another girl who’s better looking than me and all, no one shall ever love you more than I do. I mean that and once again I know I’m right. No matter who it may be, I’m 10000% sure I’m the only person to ever care about you and love you this much and as much as probably our one year didn’t mean much to you it meant the world to me. You’re the best things that’s ever happened to me and you’re just going to fuck off and do this. And you know what, I honestly can’t handle my life without you. In just a couple of hours I’ve thrown up, I’m bleeding all over my arm, I’ve been swearing, hit a brick wall a couple of times. I can’t take it. Just anything, I’d do anything. Call me crazy and obsessive if you want but I will. 

I know changing my facebook relationship status doesn’t help now that people won’t stop asking me but I just couldn’t stand your name being there and you not wanting it there. And the same with earlier in the week when I was just trying to be friends with someone and then getting mad at me and them taking things way too far. I just can’t believe all of this has hit me. This all feels like a dream as if I’m going to wake up and everything’s back to normal. Oh please. 

You know what, that’s it. I don’t want to live anymore. My life is pointless. I hate being the stupid girl making a scene but I’m sorry, this is just it. I can’t bring myself to do this. I’m going insane. I’m actually shaking. I was the best person I could be, the best I could and no body likes me. I’m slowly being rejected by everybody I know and you know what, I 100% now believe that if I were to die overnight, no body would care. I really mean that. 

I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m looking for a reason to actually live now.